Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
Yesterday was a day of rest, which means I did nothing. I did one load of laundry, but I really needed to do three loads. We watched the Tony Awards, and I’m guessing that some of the night’s big winners (I’m looking at you Dear Evan Hansen!) will have a touring company ready for the 2018-2019 season. Can’t wait!
But I shouldn’t wish for time to move too quickly, right? I noticed this morning that several Facebook friends posted timeline reminders containing photos from years ago. Not just “see what you did last June 12,” but “remember when you did this on June 12, 2011?” Egads. How does time move so quickly?
One year ago this week, I left my previous job under stressful circumstances. I had been with my boss for over 30 years and I thought I would eventually retire from working for him. I imagined we’d grow old together, he’d work until his kids were working professionals creating their own empires, and he and his wife were ready to travel the world. I’d work another year or so, tidying up loose ends, and sail off into retirement heaven myself.
Alas, that was not the case. I had been feeling lots of stress for at least a year before my departure. On reflection now, I failed to see the warnings signs that were right there. I used to go home on Friday nights and say “If I drank, I’d be drinking right now!” I was feeling disrepected, emotionally abused, drained, stressed, depressed, overworked and underpaid. My work didn’t appear to be good enough, my experience wasn’t being valued, I was being picked on for no reason.
It was time to move on when I noticed I was going to the doctor more often for unexplained minor illnesses. One weekend, I made the decision to go to my scheduled Monday doctor’s appointment and ask to be put out of work for a short time due to stress. That short time turned out to be four months, and it was a much-needed break after working non-stop for 40 years.
I didn’t realize how the job affected me. After group and individual therapy, medications, and meditation, I finally felt like myself again. I had been through the grieving process, and look back at those 30+ years with disappointment. It’s now over and done. I swiped my palms together, said “good riddance,” and moved on to a new job, new everything. Bless and release.
Sahir Lodhi said: “When you are happy, times flies very fast, and the more fast it flies, the more it makes you sad.” I agree. And time moves more quickly as we get older. We were just making plans for Thanksgiving and then our cruise last January. And now we’re closer to our next cruise than our last one. I’ve been driving my car for 13 years and, when I buy a new car in the next few months, I could conceivably drive it for 15 years and I’ll be bumping up against 75.
Do you remember this exercise from grade school? We were asked to figure out how old we would be in the year 2000. That meant using a pencil to work out the math problem: 2000 – 1956 = ? (We didn’t have calculators then!) When I came up with 44, I thought that was the end of the world. And while it’s been 17 years since 2000, I can almost remember the teacher asking me to solve that problem 50 years ago. Holy crap.
I don’t want to dwell too much on the past, and I like planning the future. (Remember my obsession with planners?) But it’s hard to ignore the passage of time and how quickly everything moves. What do you think?
Dr. Seuss said: “They say I’m old-fashioned, and live in the past, but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast!” Amen.