The preparation for the colonoscopy wasn’t too bad.  A few laxative pills.  Two 32-ounce “cocktails” and I was more than ready.  A 9:30 check-in time turned into a 10:45 walk back to the get-ready area, and the procedure started at 11:00.

Once wheeled into the room and correctly positioned on the bed, I remember saying “knock me out.”  The nurse put a plastic piece in my mouth (to allow the doctor to insert the tube to perform an endoscopy) and the anesthesiologist said “we’ll give you some drugs now.”  Seemingly a minute later, I was back in the recovery area.

Oh, that Michael-Jackson-drug is amazing.  Ninety minutes had gone by and I didn’t know anything.  Days later, I wonder what would have happened had there been an earthquake?  Or some other disaster?  Do the doctors and nurses ever have to go to the bathroom while they’re in the middle of a procedure?

I’ve had two colonoscopies in the past.  A standout memory is the warm blanket they put on you when you’re in recovery.  Toasty, comforting.  Well, this particular surgery center doesn’t provide warm blankets!  I mentioned it to the nurse as she was wheeling me out to Leslie’s car, and she mentioned that several patients have lamented the same thing.  She suggested I mention it on the surgery form, which I promptly completed when I got home.

The after-procedure instructions carefully tell patients to take it easy, not to lift anything heavy or work out for two weeks (trust me!), and not to make any important decisions until the anesthesia is completely out of your system.  I hope that filling out the questionnaire wasn’t too taxing on my drug-addled brain.

I’m back at work after a relaxing weekend (with no working out or lifting at all!).  I’m sure I’ll have a clean bill-of-health after getting the pathology report and following up with the gastroenterologist in two weeks.  Until then, it’s time to work on that high-fiber diet.

I know, it’s really no big deal.  You drink clear liquids for a day, sit on the toilet that entire day (but not at the same time!), sleep, have someone drive you to the medical center, take a nice long nap, and you wake up fresh as a daisy.

I keep telling myself “it’ll be Friday at noon before you know it!”  But I’m just not looking forward to it.  Fasting all day tomorrow, watching the TV closest to the bathroom, and noticing that every commercial seems to be a food commercial.  Why do advertisers do that?  So I can finish my procedure and go to the grocery store to buy ice cream and pot pies?

Some common questions about the colonoscopy procedure include “Does it hurt?” and “What happens during the exam?”  But the best is the answer to “Are you sedated for a colonoscopy?”  Here is one of Google’s answers:

Some patients undergoing colonoscopy do so without any anesthesia at all, but the majority still gets “conscious sedation” – a combination of drugs to relax you and block pain. Although they are semi-conscious during the procedure, most patients don’t remember much about it afterwards.

Wait, what?  Some patients do it without drugs?  Are they barbarians?  What goes through their mind?  Or their butt?

I’ll feel better once it’s done.  The worst part is the prep, and the doctor may be able to tell me the cause of my anemia.  In the mean time, I have to remember to get the Costco-size toilet paper out of the back of my car before the Thursday morning laxatives kick in.